I recently encountered a homeless guy who interrupted his beg to try to holler – which gave all kinds of new meaning to his plea, “I need your help!”
While telling the story on Twitter, a couple of my followers told me they knew women who had done just that.
And by “just that,” I mean these women picked up the homeless dude from up under the bridge or the parking lot or wherever he was, took him home, taught him the meaning of water and soap, and rode off into the sunset with their new men.
Oh. Come. On. Now.
I’m not mad at homeless guys who try to holler. A man is still a man, and truthfully, homeless dudes are a lot more polite when they try to mack than most of the guys making rude comments out there.
But I am mad at women out there shoplifting homeless peen.
I warned previously about the dangers of the upgrade, but I didn’t have Ned the Wino in mind when I wrote that piece. Treating men like shelter rescues is a mistake, but literally scooping up dudes off the street is stupid beyond measure. Has the desperate single woman meme gone this far?
I doubt this is a widespread phenomenon – in fact, I’m sure it’s rare – but the fact that two women I know have personal knowledge of it happening, means it has happened at least twice too many times in my book.
If I’m classist for judging women who scoop up homeless men to make sexy times, I’m ok with that. We can agree to disagree. Don’t give me stats about the new homeless, how that guy living under the overpass might have been an associate at Skadden Arps last year. Invite him over when he’s got more to offer than lice, crabs, fleas and whatever change landed in his cup that day.
If seeing a once-or still-attractive dude standing under the bridge moves you, donate to a homeless organization. But the actual guy under the bridge? Drive past him. You can holler encouragement out the window as you go past. Hand him some printouts of job postings you saw on Monster.com as you pass, if you think he has that kind of potential.
Just remember, as my friend @OneChele over at Black ‘n Bougie said, “Pookie on the come up is nothing to play with.”
If you’re all “tee hee” when the dude who spent his day on the floor of the Lexington Avenue subway station while you were at work goes, “Hey ma, you lookin good,” you need to check yourself. If you are even the slightest bit tempted to offer him a ride – of any kind – go to your nearest adult toy shop. There are all kinds of neat vibrating things that can tide you over until a man worth your time comes along. If you want to put on your superhero cape and rescue something, go to a shelter and adopt a dog or a cat.
And after you leave the toy store and the animal shelter, find a therapist. Desperate is not a good look.
October 30th, 2011
As a woman who has been homeless, I actually agree with you. Yes, there is the “new homeless”…I’m one of them, but I would run far, far away from dating a homeless guy.
When I was at the shelters while I was pregnant, some of the men tried to get at me. I didn’t take them seriously. What could you possibly offer in a relationship if you are homeless? If anything, you (like me) should be focusing on picking up the shattered pieces of our lives.
That’s my two cents.
TC Galltin
October 30th, 2011
I agree with you 100% on all of this! A homeless guy may have potential, but I’m not willing to start in the negative with anyone.
October 30th, 2011
I actually read some piece of crap book a while back where the character did this, I laughed. I had no idea real women in the real world were doing this. I spent years working with the homeless, mostly men, came across former dentists and other former professionals down on their luck and yes I agree leave the homeless man where he is.
Seriously if single sistas are getting this hard up they need to run, not walk to a store with gadgets that can ease their tensions or check out websites that offer such items. I am a strong advocate of the poor, hell it’s my life work but picking a partner literally off the street corner when that’s his/her’s home is a lousy idea for many reasons!
October 31st, 2011
Funny. I wonder how many men ever consider such a prospect.
November 5th, 2011
This is absolutely crazy to think that a woman would try to upgrade, work with or whatever else it’s called – a homeless man.
I was just telling a friend of mine that we need to stop dealing with the dog shelter caliber of men. Meaning, we meet a man who may be down on his luck (homeless/jobless/carless) and try to work with him (settle/downplay his situation/settle).
I figured it was the perfect analogy because most animals from the shelter are decent looking, have some character or charm about them that makes you go “awe…he isn’t that bad” and are looking for someone to give them a chance.
I’m not mad at the polite homeless dude for even trying to see if he still had it.
December 28th, 2011
I work with the homeless population, primarily women, and think that this is a HORRIBLE idea. Homeless people are dealing with a multitude of issues that cannot easily be resolved with a change of clothes, hot meal, shower and a place to lay their head. Folks, (read: women) need to seriously pause and recognize that life is not a reality show that can easily be wrapped up with a pretty bow in 30-60 minutes. There is nothing worse than watching your implode due to bad decisions that you have made all by your lonesome.
‘UPGRADE U’ is a simply a song…nothing more, nothing less!!!